Ten More Intriguing Questions Than "Who Is SALT?"

Columbia Pictures chose to market their summer would-be blockbuster SALT with the tagline, "Who Is Salt?" in some sort of attempt to virally intrigue me into a search for the source of Gandhi's power. There was also the ill-advised "Day X Exists", which of course contained the implied question, "How many shoulders can one tagline shrug?" But much like an e-mail telling me about those stamps I ordered, simply ignoring these questions seemed much easier. In that spirit, I humbly present these ten questions, which I feel would do a much better job at intriguing me (or at least offend me) into watching SALT:

1) Why has Chiwetel Ejiofor continued to not change his name?

2) Wouldn't Burt Blackwell be a much better name for him?

3) No?

4) Would you greenlight a pitch that consisted of the words "THE MANCHURIAN CANDIDATE meets Bruce Willis' THE JACKAL"? Then fuck you, pal.

5) Is it possible that Philip Noyce, the once-great director of fare like THE QUIET AMERICAN and CLEAR AND PRESENT DANGER, but is now the guy you call when you're the pilot of TRU CALLING, reached an all-new career low?

6) And if so, is it possible to get lower?

7) Has an actor ever slept throughout the entirety of a film shoot, as Liev Schreiber appears to be in every single frame of SALT?

8) If so, why doesn't he look healthier?

9) Was he not eating or something?

10) I mean, dude looks like a skeleton. Couldn't we have put an IV in him while he was hibernating or whatever?

Marketing firms, I am available on a consultation basis. Holla at ya boi.

Opinion Stated As Fact: Tony Scott Makes CITIZEN KANE Better

Here's the obligatory "CITIZEN KANE is awesome" post on a film blog. In my defence, it did take me over four months to get here, but I will try to get this out of the way as quickly as possible.

Similar to my RAGING BULL post a while ago, I think the easiest way to do this is just to post a few pictures of how beautiful this film is:

I could go into a whole thing about depth of field and American mythmaking, but the truth is, all of those reasons are secondary to why CITIZEN KANE is a classic.

CITIZEN KANE is a classic because it fucks with the most powerful man in the world and gets away with it. It would be like if next week's HAWAII FIVE-O was about Scott Caan, that cunning investigator of human nature, opening a cold case about a missing kid, only to realize that the kid became a drug runner, fled the island, and grew up to become the President of the United States. That's crazy, possibly litigious (although Rupert Murdoch, that Kane of our times, is looking into it), and would never be allowed to happen. But somehow CITIZEN KANE did happen.

And RKO 281, a made-for-HBO movie, makes the story of how CITIZEN KANE came to be extremely compelling. Liev Schreiber plays Orson Welles, and unlike his recent performance in SALT, he appears to be awake during almost all of the scenes of the film. He turns in an actual performance that appears to bring depth and emotion to a human character. His Welles is alternately proud, brilliant, self-conscious, and obsessed with his legacy. It's actually fairly impressive work for any actor, but for Liev, it's particularly surprising.

James Cromwell is on the flipside of this coin as William Randolph Hearst, the publishing magnate that the character of Kane was supposedly based on, and the man who tried to destroy the film. It's quite a sympathetic portrayal, which is surprising, given the power and influence he wielded. John Malkovich turns in a great performance as the similarly-surnamed Herman Mankiewicz, the forgotten man in all of CITIZEN KANE's greatness, and Roy Scheider shows up as the studio boss of RKO. All in all, it's a swell cast. The script moves along at a nice pace and things never feel too biopic-y.

Oh, and did I mention that Tony Scott was an Executive Producer on this? That's how he makes arguably the greatest film of all time even better.