TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE: The Review That Almost Stopped This Blog

You know, I tried to write this review at least four times. I'm not quite sure how to tackle the whole TWILIGHT phenomenon and the nearly billion dollars the films alone have brought in. So I'm just going to talk about the part that I truly enjoyed about TWILIGHT: ECLIPSE.

Before we get too into this, though, full disclosure: I've read all of the Twilight books. Now, before you run away shrieking in pain, let me explain my reasoning. It's kind of like why I bought 50 Cent's album GET RICH OR DIE TRYING. Seriously.

Stop running away! The 50 Cent thing was supposed to intrigue you, not make you hate me more. Let me explain.

You can't hate on something if you don't understand it. Sure, it's easy to look at 50 sneering at you out of an album cover or Kristen Stewart's best punch-me face on a poster and dismiss it out of hand as stupid, but an informed opinion is only reached by, you know, actually exploring the subject. So sure, 50 Cent should take a lot of heat for "To make it up, I'll do whatever it takes / I love you like a fat kid loves cake" and Stephanie Meyer should take a lot of heat for "'I can do this,' I told myself feebly. No one was going to bite me." but I can give them that well-deserved heat because I've given it a chance. And you know what? There's some fairly impressive world-building in the second Twilight book, and 50 Cent wrote a great song called "Many Men (Wish Death)" ("somewhere my heart turned cold"). So even the worst among us have moments of greatness.

Oh, and Ms. Meyer - I love me a bad pun, but that "bite me" is just awful. Awful. And on page 14 of the first book, nonetheless!

Anyway, that's my low-culture argument. If that wasn't good enough for you, feel free to come back Tuesday, when I'll review something black-and-white, you snobby bitches.

So, the part in Eclipse that really got me: there's this really strange soap opera-y moment where Bella is freezing and Edward has to let Jacob warm her by lying next to her. And, you know, physical contact and stuff! OH NOS. But just before he does so, Jacob gets in this nice dig to Edward: "After all, I am hotter than you." LOL ZOMG!

It's this really weird pandering post-modern moment that really cuts across the story of the film and speaks directly to the whole Team Edward/Jacob marketing ploy. There were gasps and giggles in the show I was at (and no, they were not coming from me). I played it cool, the barest hint of a smile playing at the corners of my mouth. But inside I was freaking out.

And that is how I am ending this review.

The only way Chris Nolan can top INCEPTION is to bring back Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman

Remember INSOMNIA? Yeah, I barely do either. I remember not liking it very much at the time, thinking it was full of generic performances from tired performers, with a terribly convenient 'twist' ending. Pacino looked like he was sleepwalking (which may have been the point, with the titular affliction and all, but still) and Robin Williams playing creepy just didn't work. I think Hilary Swank actually had the word BLAND written on her forehead in one scene. Like I said, the memories are a bit fuzzy, but the impression is pretty strong.

If it wasn't for INSOMNIA, Nolan's filmography would be almost impeccable. MEMENTO was an instant classic, flipping noir conventions while remaining true to that thematic core. His BATMAN films have somehow made their way into the hearts of fanboys and general audiences alike. THE PRESTIGE gave us David Bowie as Tesla. Even FOLLOWING, his first feature, shows a mastery of narrative, playing on different timelines with stunning ease. Which brings us to INCEPTION.

INCEPTION is Christopher Nolan's masterpiece, no bones about it. This is a film in the best sense of the word, as gripping an entertainment as it is a serious examination of humanity. It's a loving hodgepodge of everything from THE MATRIX to James Bond films to PERSONA to episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE and soap operas. And it all feels like the most cerebral MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movie we'll ever see. It's also far more than the sum of its parts, not just a collection of fun references, but a distinct film with its own soul.

There's a moment in this film that is as close to pure cinema as anything I've ever seen. It's the zero-G fight, and it's an absolutely incredible piece of filmmaking that's sure to inspire young kids to play with their cameras for years to come. I had an ear-to-ear grin while the sequence was going, and I can't wait to experience it again.

What really comes through is Nolan's determination to make a viscerally thrilling movie with an involving, thoughtful film, and in my books, he completely succeeds. Everything is working on multiple levels in this film. For example, the big Bondian assault on the mountain retreat works as an incredible action setpiece, but also functions as commentary about the violence near the heart of the human psyche. I know that sounds incredibly pretentious, but that's what makes this film truly incredible.

The cast is incredible, too. Leo's playing the tormented genius, the team leader with a mysterious past. There's weird echoes to his character in SHUTTER ISLAND that I don't particularly want to get into, but he brings his now-trademark intensity to the role. Joseph Gordon-Levitt knocks it out of the park again, bringing an understated (and unexpected) menace to his enforcer role. Tom Hardy is an absolute revelation as the actor of the team (the Martin Landau, if you will). I've had BRONSON sitting on my to-watch pile for months, I can't wait to see it now. Ellen Page is given a kind of thankless role as the moral compass, but she's able to shade it with some nice grays as well. Ken Watanabe is having a ton of fun playing the shady businessman. And Tom Berenger! Yes, MAJOR LEAGUE's Tom Berenger!

INCEPTION is absolutely incredible, a film that instantly catapults Christopher Nolan from the list of interesting modern filmmakers to the list of all-time greats. We all need to go see this movie, and see it multiple times.

Hell, it's even got me considering an INSOMNIA re-watch.

EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP is a documentary, even if it isn't

I was afraid of EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP. Very, very afraid. It seemed like the concept was rife for a bunch of pretentious defensive justifications for street art, or angry my-dad-didn't-love-me-so-I-draw-on-walls interviews. And while there is some of that at work here, the film really becomes a character documentary, examining the original filmmaker who shot all the footage.

It's an interesting idea, and it helps that the man who shot the documentary is an absolute eccentric, a man who is as mysterious as he is fascinating. His entire backstory is strange, full of weird details (like his desire to document literally everything after losing his mother), to his source of income. You end up spending large sections of the film wondering how much of what you're seeing is "real", and just how much of this is an elaborate prank put on by the artists.

Regardless of how much of the film is real or not, it's pretty clear what the focus of the film is: the commercialization of art. And whether Thierry Guetta is truly as we see him in the film, the point remains the same. Much like Banksy's art, the message is almost instantaneous - in this case, the title says it all.

Oh, and it's funny. Really, really funny.

DAVE CHAPPELLE'S BLOCK PARTY isn't really a concert film

I'm not much of one for concert films. I've never even been able to get through Scorsese's THE LAST WALTZ, and Marty's my boy. There's something about films based on music that just doesn't translate to a visual medium for me. Often times the cinematography of these films seems to be about the ephemera of the moment, the clanging of a cymbal or the vibration of a guitar chord. It's something momentary, and doesn't really give much to think on. Ultimately, I find a lot of these films boring.

So what happens when an uber-visualist like Michel Gondry tackles the medium? Nothing world-shattering. DAVE CHAPPELLE'S BLOCK PARTY is too long and steadily loses momentum, like a marathon runner that starts too fast and ends up limping across the finish line.

The film isn't really about anything: there's a vague the-healing-power-of-music thing going on underneath some of the scenes, there's a bunch of the-curse-of-fame stuff with Chappelle and Lauryn Hill, and some sort of commentary on community and giving back, but the film isn't really about any of these things. It jumps all over the place, from Chappelle organizing the event, to running through rehearsals, to handing out tickets to white people, to the actual show and then back again. The fragmented timeline is very distracting, as just when you're getting into some really good music, we're back to a ten-minute segment on some hippies who live in the area. It's like Gondry isn't content to just document the show, he's got to make this film about more than the music. And while I welcome the attempt, I'm ultimately frustrated by the movie's split focus.

This film would have been infinitely better if it was presented in a chronological fashion, from Chappelle organizing the show through to it's triumphant conclusion. It would have given us a thematic throughline to follow, but instead the film is all chopped up and the message is lost. Part of the problem seems to be that the show might have been a bit of a dud. It's clear that much of the afternoon was drenched in rain, and that there were technical issues throughout the day. It may be that there just wasn't enough good concert footage to fully use.

DAVE CHAPPELLE'S BLOCK PARTY is a concert film that desperately tries to be more than just a concert film, and fails at being either.

A HARD DAY'S NIGHT is like the Beatles walked into a blue-collar Godard movie

One of my favourite things of living in a (legally, if not truly) bilingual society is checking out the French titles of movies. For example, did you know the French title of DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER (truly one of the great titles of all time) translates to 58 MINUTES TO LIVE? Why? Because it's based off a book called "58 Minutes". Apparently someone in Fox's French department thought people would come to see a Bruce Willis movie based on it's literary appeal and not the fact that it was the sequel to DIE HARD.

The French title of A HARD DAY'S NIGHT is QUATRE GARÇONS DANS LE VENT. That's right. Four Boys In The Wind. That's just delightful. I mean, can you picture the Jonas Brothers' new concert movie being titled The Unbearable Lightness of Being? Or Justin Bieber making his debut film appearance in A Change of Seasons?

Quatre Garcons dans le Vent must rank as one of the most pretentious titles I've ever heard. It doesn't really mean anything, except as some sort of vague Buddhist-tinged going-with-the-flow philosophy (and this was before they met Ravi Shankar!), but it's not a very good indicator of the film's personality. Despite the black-and-white photography and occasional delusions of intellectual grandeur, the film has an incredible amount of charm and wit. It's really just trying to entertain you - to a killer soundtrack.

There are several notable things about A HARD DAY'S NIGHT, the music chief among them, but there are also a few great cinematic touches that make this an enduring film. There's the (oft-imitated) great opening sequence where the Beatles escape throngs of screaming fans, which, while relying on the titular track for its energy, has a couple of great visual gags that make it so memorable. There's also the strange surreal powers the film sometimes ascribes to the Beatles, whether they're suddenly on bicycles keeping pace outside a train, or John's disappearing act from a bathtub. This is a film that will stop at nothing, especially not physics, from getting in the way of a good joke.

What really sets this film apart is its focus. This isn't a film about the brilliant John Lennon or how cute Paul McCartney is. It's not about George, either, because, quite honestly, who wants to see a movie about George? A HARD DAY'S NIGHT is all about Ringo Starr. The entire third act is devoted to his misadventures away from the band ("I'm goin' paradin' before it's too late!") and the attempt to get him back. Ringo is the everyman, a kid caught between outrageous fame and the desire for a normal life, and it's great watching him at the forefront of the band (for what was probably the first and last time). It's like a biopic on Barack Obama told from the perspective of Kal Penn (right? Kind of? A little bit?).

Anyway, I got a little sidetracked. A HARD DAY'S NIGHT is a great movie that I can heartily recommend throwing on for a nice 90-minute diversion, but before I go, I want to leave you with this, a little something to tie into the title of this post:

Notice the dropped letters in the poster design for Godard's BREATHLESS? The R, H, and the first S are all on a different level from the other letters, which leaves ... I just always thought that was weird, and maybe a little subconscious advertising.