The only way Chris Nolan can top INCEPTION is to bring back Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman

Remember INSOMNIA? Yeah, I barely do either. I remember not liking it very much at the time, thinking it was full of generic performances from tired performers, with a terribly convenient 'twist' ending. Pacino looked like he was sleepwalking (which may have been the point, with the titular affliction and all, but still) and Robin Williams playing creepy just didn't work. I think Hilary Swank actually had the word BLAND written on her forehead in one scene. Like I said, the memories are a bit fuzzy, but the impression is pretty strong.

If it wasn't for INSOMNIA, Nolan's filmography would be almost impeccable. MEMENTO was an instant classic, flipping noir conventions while remaining true to that thematic core. His BATMAN films have somehow made their way into the hearts of fanboys and general audiences alike. THE PRESTIGE gave us David Bowie as Tesla. Even FOLLOWING, his first feature, shows a mastery of narrative, playing on different timelines with stunning ease. Which brings us to INCEPTION.

INCEPTION is Christopher Nolan's masterpiece, no bones about it. This is a film in the best sense of the word, as gripping an entertainment as it is a serious examination of humanity. It's a loving hodgepodge of everything from THE MATRIX to James Bond films to PERSONA to episodes of THE TWILIGHT ZONE and soap operas. And it all feels like the most cerebral MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE movie we'll ever see. It's also far more than the sum of its parts, not just a collection of fun references, but a distinct film with its own soul.

There's a moment in this film that is as close to pure cinema as anything I've ever seen. It's the zero-G fight, and it's an absolutely incredible piece of filmmaking that's sure to inspire young kids to play with their cameras for years to come. I had an ear-to-ear grin while the sequence was going, and I can't wait to experience it again.

What really comes through is Nolan's determination to make a viscerally thrilling movie with an involving, thoughtful film, and in my books, he completely succeeds. Everything is working on multiple levels in this film. For example, the big Bondian assault on the mountain retreat works as an incredible action setpiece, but also functions as commentary about the violence near the heart of the human psyche. I know that sounds incredibly pretentious, but that's what makes this film truly incredible.

The cast is incredible, too. Leo's playing the tormented genius, the team leader with a mysterious past. There's weird echoes to his character in SHUTTER ISLAND that I don't particularly want to get into, but he brings his now-trademark intensity to the role. Joseph Gordon-Levitt knocks it out of the park again, bringing an understated (and unexpected) menace to his enforcer role. Tom Hardy is an absolute revelation as the actor of the team (the Martin Landau, if you will). I've had BRONSON sitting on my to-watch pile for months, I can't wait to see it now. Ellen Page is given a kind of thankless role as the moral compass, but she's able to shade it with some nice grays as well. Ken Watanabe is having a ton of fun playing the shady businessman. And Tom Berenger! Yes, MAJOR LEAGUE's Tom Berenger!

INCEPTION is absolutely incredible, a film that instantly catapults Christopher Nolan from the list of interesting modern filmmakers to the list of all-time greats. We all need to go see this movie, and see it multiple times.

Hell, it's even got me considering an INSOMNIA re-watch.

THE DEPARTED vs. INFERNAL AFFAIRS: There should be only one

I try not to be one of those guys who hates something once it gets popular. I like discovering things, feeling like I'm in on a secret, but I also love being part of a cultural movement that appreciates an artist given the budget to do whatever they want.

Martin Scorsese is finally enjoying the mass popularity he so richly deserves. MEAN STREETS? AFTER HOURS? RAGING BULL? GOODFELLAS? All exceptional films, undoubtedly the work of a master. But the film that really kicked off this Marty love-fest is THE DEPARTED, a remake of a Hong Kong film called INFERNAL AFFAIRS.

But I really don't like THE DEPARTED, and I'd rather watch INFERNAL AFFAIRS almost every time. I'm not against remakes in principal (I think the ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13 remake is superior to John Carpenter's original), or even in Scorsese's specific example (CAPE FEAR, anyone?). But THE DEPARTED takes an overly serious tone to its subject matter and is way too long.

This is a 151-minute movie about moles. That's crazy. If your story is about something we've seen hundreds of times before, you want to make your point as quickly and as entertainingly as possible. But Marty is way too interested in the underlying psychology of the characters, even the ones on the periphery of the storyline. So there's a lot of comments like, "So your father was a drunk?" while people stare deep into each other's eyes.

Am I the only one that feels like Thelma Schoonmaker's been trying a little too hard with the last couple of Scorsese films? It seems like she's forgotten that the best editing is the sort you don't notice. SHUTTER ISLAND had a lot of "Look At My Interesting Cutting" moments, and THE DEPARTED has a ton of distracting cross-cutting in between extended dialogue scenes with seemingly no purpose but to show the similarities between Damon and DiCaprio. And the Jack Nicholson scenes do not add anything to the plot or the character, and smack of contractually obligated screen time.

Not to say that I hate THE DEPARTED. There's some very strong work turned in by Alec Baldwin, Martin Sheen, Damon, DiCaprio, and even Mark Wahlberg. That's a lot of testosterone flowing around, which makes for some great dude moments, like when Leo screams at his handlers, "Do you want them to chop me up and feed me to the poor?" or any time Alec Baldwin opens his glorious mouth. And the Boston accents! Good Lord the Boston accents! At the very least this movie will make you want take a trip to Boston just so that you can hear the banter.

But INFERNAL AFFAIRS has none of the pretensions of THE DEPARTED. It's basically like the pared-down, plot-only version of Scorsese's film. The film sets up the double agents with a relentless opening sequence and moves quickly into the big sting operation where both bosses realize they've been infiltrated - in about half the time of its American counterpart.

This is not to say INFERNAL AFFAIRS is perfect - far from it. Some might argue that the film is too plot-heavy, and that the characters suffer for it. The Matt Damon character in INFERNAL AFFAIRS is played by Andy Lau, and he certainly suffers from a lack of backstory. We never really understand why he's working for the mob, so the ultimate payoff isn't very rewarding.

INFERNAL AFFAIRS also has one of those awful Hong Kong soundtracks of strange J-pop hits, while Scorsese's use of music is still strong: he uses my boy Nas' Thief's Theme (major points Marty), Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb, and Dropkick Murphys' I'm Shipping Up To Boston in unforgettable and exciting ways.

Really, the titles say it all - Scorsese's film is a character-heavy film interested in death, while the original is a straightforward story of corruption. I wish I could add some of the scenes from THE DEPARTED into INFERNAL AFFAIRS, but sadly, both films are flawed (while fun).