Why Won't THOR Tell You It's THOR?

There were several questions I had while watching THOR, Marvel's latest venture away from the printed page, but the one you see above in big bold type was the key one. Or, more specifically, what happened to THOR's title card?


THOR starts with the Paramount and Marvel Studios logos (logi? logos), but plunges us right into a cold open introducing Natalie Portman's Jane Foster (if somewhat elliptically, in what feels like a weird compromise between making a fast-paced, exciting intro about turning on your laptop and not seeing Natalie Portman's face, neither of which works and/or was a good idea to begin with) and her dream team of the sassy Kat Dennings and stellar Scandinavian Stellan Skarsgard. This is followed by a somewhat exciting TWISTER-type sequence about chasing a storm, which ends when Portman runs over a mysterious stranger and looks to the sky, asking, "where did he come from?"

BAM. Cut to black. Great pre-titles sequence, intriguing and to the point, setting up the characters and basic hook of the story. The title card "Marvel Studios and Paramount Pictures Present" comes up, and I'm starting to settle into my seat, waiting for the inevitable THOR title card, perhaps with some nice lightning effects and CG rain.

But that's where THOR switches it up on you. You're all set for the credits sequence, when the film drops you into tenth-century Norway with only the disembodied voice of Anthony Hopkins as your guide. "Huh," you're thinking, "kinda weird. I guess we're going to do the whole Norse mythology thing before we get the titles." And that's exactly what you get, complete with some pretty obvious lifts from THE LORD OF THE RINGS, which initially feels cheap and repetitive. But this is a film from Sir Kenneth Branagh, and that's when it hits you: this may be a hacky use of shots and effects from THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING, but it must also be a reflexive moment, where Branagh is reminding you of that's film's epic pre-titles sequence, and asking you to cut him a little slack while he lays out his admittedly dense story.

"OK, Kenny B," you say to yourself. "I'll give you some time." So as THOR progresses, you're worrying less and less about the title. It's coming, you're sure, but it's a subconscious thing at this point, while you're asked to focus on more important things, like remembering that the Ice Giants' source of power is a kinda-silly-looking glowing blue chest that looks like Mr. Freeze's Arc of the Covenant, and that Loki is Thor's used car salesman of a brother (I bet he's the good guy).

But all of a sudden, it's thirty minutes into the film, and although you've seen an eyepatched Anthony Hopkins issue a blanket pardon for state-sponsored terrorism, Thor get his Operation Iraqi Freedom on, and a disturbing look into Stringer Bell's cosplay habits, you suddenly realize that you still haven't seen the title of the movie you're seeing.

You quell the rising panic inside of you. The title is coming. It has to be. I mean, why else would that "Marvel Studios and Paramount Pictures Present" card have been on screen twenty-five minutes ago? It just sets up an expectation about what they're presenting. They wouldn't leave us hanging like that. Would they?

Ah, wait. Thor's getting banished. It's all starting to make sense. I bet the film's gonna do one of those "here's where we started" things and then hit us with the title. That makes sense, even if it's gone on a bit long. Natalie hits him with the car, looks up, "where did he come from?" and then...

Next scene.

WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOU, MOVIE? WHAT IS IT?

Of course, I know what the name of the movie is. But why won't the movie tell me? Does the movie itself not know its name?

Things continue to play out on the screen in front of me, including an absolutely gratuitous Jeremy Renner (as Hawkeye!) cameo that adds literally nothing to the story, but I'm not even paying attention anymore. The missing title has become a splinter in my mind, a mystery that needs to be solved. The clues are bewildering, but it's the motive that has me really stumped.

It's not until the entirety of THOR's 114 minutes have played out that I finally put all the pieces together. Oh, I've finally seen the title of the movie, by the way. It was there in the credits, big and shiny and everything it should have been ninety minutes or so ago, but it didn't really click until I saw the post-credits scene.

That's where Mr. Skarsgard gets introduced to the Cosmic Cube by Samuel "the L stands for lnot even trying anymore" Jackson and Loki shows up and gets all glinty-eyed. And that's when it hit me. THOR doesn't have a pre-titles sequence because the whole movie is the pre-titles sequence. It's a tease for THE AVENGERS, through and through.

This might have been a bit harsh. I laughed several times and was genuinely entertained by quite a bit of THOR, but I'm just left wondering how they got people to pay for THE AVENGERS during it's first week of shooting. That's impressive.