Really, Nicolas Cage?
I felt like I could almost end the post here and the point would be pretty much exactly the same.
What the hell, man?
About an hour into your latest film, I realized I would so much rather be watching THE THING that I started fantasizing about characters in the film growing horrifying appendages and/or being Kurt Russell.
A further half hour into the film, I realized I would even settle for END OF DAYS, the movie that thought ROSEMARY'S BABY was cool and all, but would probably be better if Arnold Schwarzenegger punched the Devil in the face at the end (which, arguably, is a valid point).
By the end of the film, that list of films-I-would-rather-be-watching had expanded to include CONSTANTINE, THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE, KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, PRIEST, IN THE NAME OF THE ROSE, GONE IN 60 SECONDS, and even fucking GHOST RIDER.
Yes, Mr. Cage. GHOST RIDER. The cinematic abortion you released on the world in 2007. I'll be honest, I wouldn't really be watching the movie, as much as I'd be playing the drinking game Take A Shot For Every Button Undone On Eva Mendes' Blouses (you will get fucked up), but I think you get it. With five minutes left in your new film, I realized I would rather watch the entirety of the 123-minute Director's Cut then sit through another single minute of SEASON OF THE WITCH.
So if you're stuck at some God-forsaken multiplex this week and your friend says, "Hey, what about SEASON OF THE WITCH? Maybe it'll be bad-good," just look them dead in the eyes and say, "I've heard that movie is exactly 123 times more terrible than fucking GHOST RIDER."
And then, perhaps, "GULLIVER'S TRAVELS?"
The Thing is the most bad-ass movie of the 1980's.
ReplyDeleteAny piece of shit Kurt Russell was in afterwards was saved by him being in the Thing.
Nic Cage needs to travel back to the early 80's and do one awesome John Carpenter movie and then all his sins will be forgiven.